


The Thing With Feathers

by Clara_Watson



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, F/F, Will tag as we go, everyone here is queer and we don't support homophobes, following canon for fun, it's just plot with smut, should be a slow burn but i might accidentally throw that out, tw childhood abuse mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29558331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clara_Watson/pseuds/Clara_Watson
Summary: When Jess Garza gets a job with the BAU she's certainly not looking for anything other than a job--but Emily Prentiss is right there. And they're bound to fall in love.
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we start; this whole thing only exists because of @genevievedarcygranger so we should all thank them!! ~
> 
> ~*~*~*~  
> “Hope” is the thing with feathers –  
> That perches in the soul –   
> And sings the tune without the words –  
> And never stops – at all –
> 
> (Emily Dickinson)

For Jess Garza it had become a monthly ritual since returning to D.C. 

Wake Mia, dress her in that little yellow sundress she’s always loved. She sees her Mom wearing her outfit, she wants to wear an outfit too. Armed with sunshine, Jess always telling her. She’ll make sure Mia’s eaten, sitting her at her favourite spot under the window, then tell her to wash her face and brush her teeth (but not to wash her face with orange juice, she can only sing about that).

Jess will always wear that ugly, atrocious, blue dress set. A baby blue skirt with a matching suit jacket. A blue-bird brooch on her left breast, matched with the simple chain necklace, with the little bird in flight. She’ll stare at herself in the mirror until she can’t recognise the face staring back at her.

She never does her hair. One can sell grief better with a nice outfit and bed hair than they can if they’re completely put together.

“Are you seeing him again?” Mia asks. The toothpaste has dried around her mouth, and a thin dribble down the bodice of her dress. 

Jess grabs a face washer, scrubbing at her daughter’s dress until it’s just a patch of dark yellow. 

“Yeah, I am.”

“Are you going to find out what happened to Daddy?”

The silence stretches on. On and on and on, a silence that could have only lasted a handful of seconds felt like an eternity. Mia watches her mom with those big, beautiful, brown eyes that are all her father’s.

“I hope so.”

The same answer she gives every time.

~*~*~

Perhaps a maximum-security prison is the only place where silence truly exists. One can feel the silence on their skin like humidity, it seeps through the skin into the bones. 

A Silence broken up by the swiping of security cards. The opening of doors. The clanging of chains against the ground. But it is still silent.

The unnervingly wet sound of Steven James smiling at her as he sits. He’s looking worse than usual, two black eyes, a split lip. But he smiles all the same, like no matter who roughed him up, today is still a treat.

They stare at each other. 

Silence.

“Where is he?” she asks at last. 

A beat. A potential answer. 

Jess waits with baited breath, refusing to lean forwards and give into him. But it’s so, so, tempting. She just wants an answer, is that really so hard?

“Well,” Steven starts. Catches his split lip between his teeth, hisses like it hurts, and leans in. Jess leans with him. Could this really be it?

But he just laughs. Leans across the table and laughs at her. His breath smells like something rotten. He has a look in his eye like he expects her to reel back. She wants to, desperately, so instead she leans in further.

Face inches away from his.

“Tell me where my husband’s body is.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He reaches his chained hands up, taking her bird pendent in his fingers. Rubs it, taking the good memories away from it the longer he touches it. 

She lets him linger. 

Narrows her eyes at him. 

Dares him to continue. 

Then slams his wrist onto the table, smiling as she listens to the ‘crack’. 

“I think we’re done here.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Agent Garza?” 

“He slipped,” she responds, pouring sugar into her coffee until it’s more sugar than coffee. As was always the way in this café.

“I’m not here about this morning. Your supervisory agent said I could find you here.”

Jess turns, recognising Agent Hotchner immediately. He had been kind during the investigation, had written her a profile of the serial killer. Turned up to Felix’s funeral even though they buried an empty coffin. 

“Sorry,” Jess says immediately, dropping her eyes from his face. “I forgot our meeting.”

“You’ve been busy, and I could have done with a break from the office. I figured we could go through your file here.” He raises his coffee and points to a table tucked away in a corner. 

“Do you prefer back or front to the window?’ Jess offers as they approach the table. She knows Agent Hotchner watches for her own preference before he sits with his back to the windows. She thanks him silently with a nod as she sits.

“I was surprised to see your application cross my desk,” Agent Hotchner says as he slides her file to her. She glances at the closed file, knowing exactly what’s in it, and puts her coffee down.

“I told you I would apply on my own terms.” She smiles, softening their interaction. “I don’t take handouts.”

Agent Hotchner smirks. “My offer to join the BAU after your husband’s death was not a handout, you did the work of four profilers on your own.”

“Let me rephrase, I don’t take offers I feel are handouts.”

“You would rather compete against hundreds of agents?”

“I think you’ll find I would, and I did.”

“Fair point. Why leave the New York field office?” He steeples his hands in front of him, ready to listen.

“Work excuse or personal life excuse?” Jess asks, sipping her coffee. 

“Lay both on me.”

“Fell out of love with New York.”

“Sounds like the work excuse,” he says.

“My dad’s the chaplain at Norfolk. It’ll be the first time in two decades that we’re anywhere near each other. I couldn’t waste that time in New York, not with Mia so young.”

Jess watches the slight twitch of Agent Hotchner’s hands. He knows she never mentions Mia, not after Felix was murdered. She’s kept her out of all ‘White Lilly Killer’ accounts, out of the newspapers, out of case files, an inconsistency that Hotch knows his team have brought up more than once. A family annihilator who attacked the lead detective on the case, who, according to the casefiles is a man with no children. Then Steven James waited outside Felix and Jess's home until the police arrested him.

“Are you still keeping Mia a secret?”

“Not a secret, an omission.”

“You would prefer to keep her from the team?”

“Family life and work life should always be separate, right?”

Jess watches as a flash of sadness, and perhaps regret, covers his face. He nods slowly.

“Yes. It should.” He clears his throat, raises his eyebrows like he’s dispelling a thought. “Would you be prepared to start today?”

“I thought your team doesn’t respond well to change.”

“And here I was thinking you didn’t follow the rules.”

A biting, playful, reference to their shared time in the academy. Jess leans back in her chair, biting her thumb at him as she studies his face. Calm. Impassable. Calculated. Daring her to join his team.

“I’m prepared to start today.” 

He smiles. 

“I’ll give you time to change.”

~*~*~

“Hi. Are you the new agent?”

The woman who spoke stands next to Jess. Her eyes flick up and down, assessing, silently profiling.

“Garza,” Jess introduces, extending her hand.

“Prentiss,” the woman smiles, shaking her hand firmly. Still assessing. “Where did you come from?”

“Outside, generally.”

Prentiss smiles. An impressed kind of smile. A playful one. A smile plays at Jess’s own lips.

“I transferred back from the New York field office.”

“Back?”

“Used to work homicide and sex crimes at the DC field office.”

“Wow a promotion and demotion all bundled up in one.” Thank god there’s an agent here who can make a joke. “Have you met the rest of the team?”

“Uh, no. I just got here.”

Prentiss takes Jess’s elbow, guiding her to the bullpen.

“This boring, plain, desk is yours,” Prentiss says and Jess places her bag down. “And this is Agent Morgan and Dr. Reid. Guys, this is our new agent, Agent Garza.”

“Hey,” Agent Morgan says, a sly smile playing at the corner of his mouth as he stands, extending a hand. Jess shakes it, making sure to flash her engagement and wedding ring just to watch his face fall.

A light ripple of amusement circles the small gathering.

“I’m kidding, it’s nice to meet you Agent Morgan.”

“You’re kidding about being married?”

“He’s dead, has been for a while.”

Reid’s jaw drops like he’s heard both the most shocking and best news of his life. 

“THE Garza?” he asks, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Those casefiles are fascinating. I’ve read them multiple times, although I don’t really need to because I have an eidetic memory, but I really would have enjoyed to work on that case.”

An odd choice of words. 

“It was not an enjoyable case,” Jess says, feeling immeasurably bad when Reid’s face falls. “But had you worked it, I would have appreciated the assistance.” 

“Oh, you’re the new agent? I’m JJ, media liaison, I organise the cases.” JJ looks to busy to stop, breezing through the bullpen on the way to the offices upstairs.

“She tells us where to go and we follow blindly,” Prentiss adds. “Like good, obedient, agents.”

“Sounds like a good time to me,” Jess smiles. 

~*~*~

The hurried click-clacking of heels along the hallway, heading straight towards the elevators, is the only reason Jess looks up. 

“Hi, hi, hi,” says the blonde owner of the very quick, very loud heels. “I’m Penelope Garcia, I just, uh, welcome! First, and I just… I just had a question.”

“Jess Garza.”

“Oh that’s going to get confusing Garza/Garcia,” she smiles, squeezing Jess’s upper arm. “But I’m sure we’ll work around it. I had a question about something in your file, do you have a minute?”

Jess checks her watch, biting her lip. “Yeah, of course.”

“Oh, if you have somewhere to be I can walk with you.”

“That would be incredible, thank-you.”

“Of course.” They wait in silence, Garcia bouncing on her toes, until the elevator arrives. It’s miraculously empty, the two of you stepping on in silence. Garcia waits until the elevator starts moving to talk.

“We had a yucky case a while back, where our personal files were hacked, and so I keep our personal files hidden away. Also, I was doing research on you because I don’t like people I don’t know working with my family.”

“All reasonable,” Jess says, brow creasing.

“It’s just, I noticed in your file that you have a daughter. But Derek didn’t say anything, and there’s nothing on your desk, and Reid hasn’t said anything, so I’m only assuming it’s private so—” she finally takes a breath. “I just want to know if you want me to keep my mouth shut about it. I’m not usually any good at keeping secrets but I can keep this one if you need me to.”

Garcia’s eyes are wide as she eagerly awaits an answer.

“I would appreciate it,” Jess says at length. “I… my daughter didn’t ask to be in this job, so I don’t put her on display.”

“I understand.”

She makes a face like she’s trying really, really hard to understand. Jess smiles at her when the elevator stops. 

“Thank-you for asking, Garcia. I really appreciate it.”

Garcia makes a soft, delicate, ‘aw!’ sound and clutches her hand to her chest.

“That’s okay.”

~*~*~

“Mommy!” Mia squeals, launching herself into her mother’s arms. “Did you do the interview? Did you get the job? Did you find anything out about Daddy?”

“Woah, one question at a time. Thank Nina for looking after you first.”

Mia turns her head so fast that her pigtails whack Jess in the face, turning to her Nanny.

“Thank-you Nina. I liked making cupcakes with you today.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hey, Nina, I’ll call you later but do you think you might be able to take up a couple more hours? Fully compensated.”

“Of course!” Nina says, maybe a little too enthusiastic. “Anything, Mia’s an angel.”

Mia puffs out her chest proudly. “I’m an angel.”

“I know you are, Sweetie.”

She talks about everything (and nothing) all the way home, swinging her bad over her shoulder and talking about how she got cupcake batter all over her favourite dress. But it’s fine because it washed off (of course).

“So did you get the job? Are you working at the big building?” Mia asks when she’s in her pj’s, running her brush violently through her hair. 

“Gentle,” Jess says softly, putting the wooden spoon aside and letting dinner simmer. “You’ll rip all your hair out if you keep doing that.” She watches as Mia climbs up onto her stools at the breakfast bar. Mia puts her hairbrush down on the breakfast bar and puts her best concentrating face on.

“I did get the job,” Jess whispers in confidence. “And I work in the big building.”

“That’s so cool,” Mia says, clapping her hands. “Does that mean sometimes you have to go away again?”

“It does,” Jess says, taking Mia’s hands and squeezing them. “But shorter than before. And I’ll be able to call you to say good night.”

“Really? You can never call when you’re at work!”

“I can this time. And sometimes, you might be able to stay with Grandpa.”

“Cool!”

“Cool!” Jess echoes. “Are you ready for dinner?” She points to the burger buns and Mia looks too excited as she grabs two and starts buttering them.

~*~*~

Mia doesn’t go to bed without a fight.

She wants to stay up and watch sesame street or something, then she wants to talk (at length) about the possibility of getting a cat because she really wants one. She tries to show how responsible she is by showing off her perfectly brushed toy cat, and that she always fills the toy bowl every morning.

But she, finally, goes down. She’s tucked carefully in her bed, blankets up to her chin, toy cat tucked under her arm. She asks if she can play lounge room hockey on the weekend but she’s not awake to hear any sort of answer.

After a long shower Jess is settling in for the night when her phone buzzes. She silently prays that it’s not getting called in for work, not yet. But it’s not.

(1) unread message from Emily Prentiss.  
We have a girl’s night on Friday! You should come! -Emily.

Jess shakes her head and smiles softly. A kind offer, truly, but one she’d have to turn down. Nina’s one rule was that she wouldn’t work Friday nights unless explicitly needed.

Text to; Emily Prentiss  
I can’t this week! Sorry! But thank you.

Text from: Emily Prentiss.  
Offer still stands if anything changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to be a long haul but i'm excited for emily and jess to fall in love


	3. Chapter 3

“We missed you at girl’s night,” Prentiss says as the two of them gather in the kitchenette. “You think you could come next time?”

It would be so much easier to just explain she had a daughter at home, Jess thought. But easy was never the right way to go, was it? 

“Maybe,” Jess smiles. “Do you want sugar? Look, I’m not avoiding you guys, if that’s what you think.”

In fact, over the last three cases she’d somehow befriended the team in ways she never had at the field office. There were times she sat at her desk in the bullpen and thought ‘I could tell them about Mia’, but ultimately she would say nothing. 

“I do think you’re avoiding me,” Prentiss smirks, leaning up against the counter.

“You? I thought girls night was the three of you.”

Prentiss blinks. A nervous blink that shakes her whole resolve. 

“I-I… I meant… I did mean ‘us’.”

“Hey guys, getting a little crowded in here,” Morgan smiles, reaching around Jess for the coffee.

“If you use your words nicely I could pour that for you,” Jess comments as Prentiss takes the opportunity to slip away. 

“Alright, Mom,” Morgan laughs. “Could you please fill my coffee up with the nectar of the gods?”

“If you’re okay with it being a demi-god’s nectar at best.”

“I am,” Morgan says solemnly. “How was your weekend? See any good movies?”

“I wish my life was that exciting. Just stayed at home.”

Morgan holds his coffee cup close to his chest, tilts his head curiously. 

“Now JJ and Prentiss are really upset you missed girls night, but when I asked Garcia about it she said that she understood. What secret double life are you leading?” He cocks a singular eyebrow at her, eagerly awaiting an answer that Jess is sure he thinks is far dirtier than ‘I was at home with my six-year-old daughter’.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to answer that without my lawyer present.”

“Wow,” Morgan chuckles. “You’ve done that before. Very professional.”

She bites her tongue before she gives him a snarky response along the lines of ‘I know how to turn on the grieving widow too’. 

“You, Missy, have a partner, don’t you?” Morgan smirks, shoving her shoulder playfully. “You spend weekends all shacked up doing some loving.” 

“You are way off base.”

“How far off base?”

“Imagine booking a ticket to Disney Land, Florida,” Jess says, running her finger over the edge of her mug. “And landing up looking at The Big Potato, Australia.”

“Australia has a ‘Big Potato’?”

“Yeah, and the locals call it ‘Bird Shit Rock’, so like, essentially Disney Land, right?”

Morgan snorts and shakes his head. “I don’t think I want to know why you know that.”

“Party trick,” Hotch says, making both of them jump as he hands them case files. “You used to always know the biggest… everything.” He gives a smug smile that has Morgan choking on his coffee.

“I know who has the biggest case file load, and it’s sure as hell not me.”

“Low blow.”

There was a rare moment of happiness that crossed over Hotch’s face. He looks almost youthful. It looks good on him, but it’s gone just as quick as it arrived and he’s heading back up to his office.

“Is he alright?” Jess’s eyes never leave him, not even when he sits down. Morgan shrugs.

“I have no idea.”

It’s a day full of scratching pens and pencils, interrupted only by new cups of coffee and the occasional question if someone wants to get dinner when the day’s over. 

“We could go to the Indian place,” Reid offers hopefully. 

Jess nods, texting Nina to ask if she can watch Mia a little later tonight.

“I’ll see what I can do, but no promises!”

“Oh come on,” Prentiss scoffs. “You’ll make time for dinner but not for girls night?”

“To be fair, Prentiss, girls night can go anywhere from two hours to two days,” Morgan defends. “Some sane people don’t have that much time to throw around.”

“Some of us have self-preservation,” Jess says. 

“I like you,” Morgan says, pointing at her accusingly. 

~*~

“So there’s actually this island which is a sanctuary for three different kinds of insects that are believe to be extinct,” Reid’s saying, waving his hands in front of him dramatically. He knocks his glass of water over, horror all over his face as it tips.

Jess catches it before it spills, turning it up right.

“You’re good,” she says. “Continue.”

“How-How did you do that?” Reid says, mouth hanging open. “There’s no way you registered that quick enough to catch it.”

“And yet she did, Pretty Boy,” Morgan chuckles. “And that would be why we always lost to NY sex crimes at those team building days.”

“Okay, no, CPD lost to NYPD first, and then I made it my mission to follow your sorry ass around to remind you that you’ll never win.”

“Oh? Is that true? We seem to have you on our team now.”

“And what makes you think I won’t betray you to the other team.”

“Play nice,” Hotch smirks. “Both of you.”

“I’ve got no idea what just happened but I think I’m scared of you,” Prentiss says, bumping Jess’s arm.

“Oh, you should be scared, she can disarm a guy with her eyes shut.”

“No, I can’t, I’m not Wonderwoman.”

“You were that one Halloween,” Morgan prompts. Jess shakes her head and folds up her napkin.

“I think that’s my cue to leave.” She grabs her bag, shaking her head and smirking at Morgan. 

“Ohh, no it’s not,” Prentiss says, grabbing her wrist. She looks at her with those big, gorgeous eyes, and neither of them can deny that strange tingly feeling that fills both of them. That euphoric feeling that has both of them practically forgetting where they were. 

“You can’t leave when the conversation just got interesting,” Prentiss continues. It’s more a purr. There’s a silent moment between the two of them that the room seems to eat up.

“It was interesting all the way back when Reid was talking about that island, I’m going to go home and check it out.”

“Really?” Reid says, perking up.

“Yeah, really, that was really cool. See you guys tomorrow.”

Maybe it’s Prentiss that lets her hand linger. Maybe it’s Jess. All Prentiss knows is that the moment their pointer fingers wrap around each other like a backwards pinkie promise, Hotch frowns. Hotch frowns and Jess recoils like she’s just touched a boiling kettle.

“What was that?” Prentiss says, frowning.

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” Hotch says. But he’s made a note of it.

~*~

“Uh, wow, it’s bedtime,” Jess says. She had intended to sneak home, let Nina go home, and settle down with some shitty TV show or horrible b-grade movie but here’s Mia, dressed in a princess dress and running around with her fairy wand, banging it on things. 

“Sorry, Mrs. Garza,” Nina says. She’s covered from head to toe in what appears to be chocolate cake batter. “I tried, I really did.” She looks far more upset than she should. 

“It’s okay, Nina,” Jess smiles, picking Mia up and holding her close as she playfully thrashes her arms and legs. “I hope you were able to get some studying done? Although I’m not sure that’s entirely possible.” She tickles Mia until Mia’s begging to stop.

“Bedtime, Amelia, you have school in the morning.”

“I don’t want to,” Mia pouts. “I want to stay home with you.”

“I’m going to work tomorrow, no one will be home.”

Mia crosses her arms, almost falling out of her mother’s arms. 

“But I’ll be home all weekend. We can go to the aquarium or the zoo or the park—”

“Which one’s the one with the fishes?”

“Aquarium.”

“I want to go to that one.”

“Only if you go put your pj’s on, have you had a bath?”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, go put your pj’s on.” Jess lets Mia down on the floor and watches her run to her room. “I didn’t realise how late it was, do you want to stay in the spare room? I’m closer to campus for class tomorrow.”

“Th-that would be great.” Nina’s shoulders deflate and she blows out her cheeks. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Mia’s got three picture books spread out on her bed, she’s already tucked carefully with her bunny in her lap.

“I think we’ve only got time for one, Miss Mia.”

“Okay, the one with Twinkie Bear.” She picks up her favourite book about a bear whose friends don’t turn up for his birthday party. Sometimes Jess wonders if she should worry about Mia, but she’s turning out alright.

Right?

Mia mumbles along with the words, tracing her fingers over the pictures. 

“Do you think people will come to my birthday party?”

“Why wouldn’t they, Sweetie?”

“I don’t really have any friends. Not like Chloe.”

“You have Molly and Amanda.”

“Mrs. Smith calls us Milly, Molly, Mandy. I don’t like being called Milly and Amanda doesn’t like being called Mandy.”

“But they’re still your friends. I’ll talk to Mrs. Smith later.”

“Am I allowed to only have two people at my birthday party? That’s not a party.”

“You’re allowed to have as many people as you want.”

“Okay cool.”

She buries herself into her pillows, making them floof around her, until she grins and settles in properly. 

“G’night Mommy. I love you.”

“I love you too. See you in the morning.”

“I’ll see you in the morning too.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You can’t escape girl’s night forever,” JJ says as they’re all congregated in front of the elevators. “You should come tonight.”

“I can’t,” Jess says. 

“Oh, come on, we’ll finish before bedtime,” Prentiss adds, bumping her shoulder. 

Garcia shares an understanding, small, smile and reaches over to squeeze her hand.

“Jess said she can’t come, we’ll just do a lunch together. There’s a cute spot near work and they put little umbrellas on their burgers!”

“Umbrella’s on burgers? Count me in.” 

“We could go tonight?” Emily asks hopefully.

“I just said I couldn’t make it tonight.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

~*~

There’s a sharp knock on the door as Jess is serving up dinner. She puts down the saucepan, calling Mia to the table. Which is exactly when her blood goes cold, those innocent little words—

“Mommy says I shouldn’t give my name to strangers.”

“Sweetheart? Dinner’s ready,” Jess says, wishing she hadn’t put her gun away in the safe. Instead she grabs a kitchen knife, tucking it softly into the back of her pants.

“Someone’s looking for you,” Mia says as she steps back from the door.

“What do we say about opening the door?”

“Don’t,” Mia says, hanging her head. “But she said ‘Agent Garza’ and ‘Girl’s Night’. You should hang out with your friends, Mom.”

“I—Mom?” Emily Prentiss says, her face flushed in an obviously-drunk kind of way.

“Prentiss?” Jess frowns as Mia opens the door further. Mia’s face lights up.

“Princess!?” Mia says excitedly.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t—” Prentiss is dressed in a cute black dress which makes Jess do a double take. If she wasn’t so confused as to why Emily was here, now, she might have actually complemented her.

“How’d you get here?”

“I d-drove.”

“Drunk?”

Mia raises both eyebrows, mimicking the exact look her mother gives, and covers her ears.

“Sweetheart, how about you go have dinner? I’ll come join you in a little bit.”

“Okay.”

She runs down the hall with her hands clutched over her ears the whole way.

“You look so pretty,” Emily grins, before seemingly remembering herself. “Sorry. I-I told the girls I’d bring you out and I wouldn’t come back without you.”

“Well you’re going to have to go back without me. And driving drunk is a felony, Emily.”

“I wasn’t that drunk when I got in the car.”

“Emily you could lose your job if you get caught!”

“Mommy.”

“Mia,” Jess sighs, turning to her. “I thought I asked you to go eat your dinner.”

“Does your friend want dinner? She should eat dinner with us.”

“Oh, Sweetheart, I’m okay, I’ve already eaten.”

“But it’s Friday and Mommy worked a case this week so we get chicken nuggets.” Mia holds her plate triumphantly out in front of her. 

Prentiss looks like she might eat the whole thing up in one go. Jess sighs and rolls her eyes. 

“We can halve my plate, but you need to behave. Prentiss?”

“I can behave for some chicken nuggets.”

Mia gets the picnic blanket out of the cupboard when Emily struggles to stay upright in her chair, the three of them instead sitting on the lounge room floor. Once dinner is done it’s evident that Emily’s starving so Jess puts the rest of the box in the oven. Mia’s too in love with the fact that someone’s sitting down and playing with her to notice much, until she yawns and finds her way into Jess’s lap, falling asleep in seconds.

“How old is she?” Emily whispers, so not to wake her.

“Six.”

“When did your husband die?” Emily’s eyes gloss over the wall of photographs of the three of you, photos that abruptly become the two of you when Mia’s a couple of years older.

“Five years ago.”

“That must be really tough.”

“It is. Yeah.” Jess smiles, brushing Mia’s hair out of her face. “I miss him.”

“Of course you do,” Emily says, reaching out and taking her hand. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did he die?”

“He was murdered,” Jess responds, and Emily notes the way she shifts so she can hold Mia closer. “But Mia survived. That’s all that matters.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, we’re okay.” Jess squeezes Emily’s hand. “But I don’t want to be a sob story, or to have the team cut me slack because of it.”

“Oh, they wouldn’t, trust me.” Emily’s face morphs until she’s looking incredibly concerned. “They would never. Is this why you don’t come to girls nights?”

“Yeah, uh, that and my nanny, Nina, is studying pre-med and I promised her weekends off when we’re not on a case. She stays in the spare room if she’s not on campus.”

Emily stands, looking at the photo wall. She stops at a family photo, Jess and her two brothers. Michael, Jess’s older brother, has the left side of his face covered in burns. Emily doesn’t mention it. Nicholas, her younger brother, has a full head of curly hair that would put Spencer to shame. He’s only little, twelve-years-old compared to his twenty-five-year-old brother and twenty-year-old sister.

“When was this taken? You’re so young.”

“Uh, ’93. I think that was a couple of weeks before my wedding.”

“Who’s this?” Emily asks, pointing to Nicholas.

“Nicky. He’s my baby brother. He’d be… twelve.”

“OH! That makes him Spencer’s age!”

“I suppose you’re right, I hadn’t thought of that.” Jess nods, standing and holding Mia against her, wrapping her legs around her waist. “Nicky’s the family baby. We all raised him. Me, Mike and Dad. Mike, this one, got his girlfriend pregnant when they were nineteen so it was like Nicky grew up with a little brother.”

“Sounds like a messy family,” Emily says. But it’s affectionate. Like she’s jealous. 

“We are. But I love them.”

“Where do they live?”

“Nicky’s out somewhere building a log cabin, I think Texas this week. Mike works at the Pentagon. But his wife, Ella, lives in New York with their kids at the moment. She’s a set designer.” 

“Do they often do long distance?”

“Uh, no, but their daughter, Sam, is in her final year of school. They didn’t want to move her because she’s happy.”

“That’s fair. Does Nicky have any kids?”

“No, none at all. He doesn’t want any.” Jess kisses Mia’s hair and turns to Emily. “Do you want to go back to the club? Or wherever you were. I, uh, don’t have anything you could drink to get that buzz back. But there is a bottle shop two blocks from here.”

‘You don’t drink?”

Jess shakes her head and bounces Mia in answer. Emily nods slowly. 

“I get it.”

“You’re not driving, though. I won’t let you. You can call a cab, though.”

“Sure. Yeah.”

Jess tucks Mia into bed (after changing her into her pj’s) and returns to the hallway, where she can hear Emily relaying her address. 

“Hey, Jess?” 

“Yeah, Emily?” Jess returns.

“You know we could do something, on a night you’re actually free? We don’t have to do something on Friday nights.” 

“It’s okay, don’t reorganise your lives on my account.”

Emily shrugs. “I want to.”

When the taxi arrives, Emily’s nowhere to be seen. Jess had thought she’d ducked into the bathroom, but both the bathrooms were free. It’s only when she hears soft snores coming out the guest bedroom, she realises that Emily’s passed out. So she runs out to the taxi, apologises, and comes back to throw a blanket over her. Emily protests but she doesn’t wake, instead she grabs the blanket in her hands and tucks it under her chin.

Jess shakes her head with a smile. Before JJ and Garcia can worry Jess sends them a picture of Emily, telling them that she’s safe and asleep. 

When Jess changes into her pj’s she turns off the lights. With the room shrouded in darkness, her body is nothing more than a silhouette in the mirror. But she doesn’t need a mirror to see the scars that spread over her back. Once they had been wings, carefully carved into a little girl’s back for no conceivable reason. 

Over time they had healed, to nothing more than raised scars that make no pure image. Felix had loved them. He could spend hours tracing his finger tips over them, telling her one reason per scar. He deserved it, after seven years of knowing each other and three years of marriage she’d finally let him touch them. He had been so gentle. So caring.

She misses him every day. Every day, all day. Every time she looks in Mia’s eyes, every time Mia presses her hand to Jess’s face. 

It’s been four years since someone’s actually asked about Felix. Jess wishes she hadn’t clammed up in front of Emily, wishes she stopped and told Emily about all the good times. Told her how they had met at the academy, on an obstacle course she could barely make it through.

But there was Felix Garza, stepping in for the instructor. They’d gone to Bible camp together, he went to the all boys school, she just needed somewhere to go. She’d worried he’d go easy on her because there was no way he didn’t recognise her. Not after their teenage years they spent together, surviving hell and brimstone Bible studies. 

Whatever he’d yelled at her, probably something about her being too slow and lazy, had pissed her off. She’d beat the course in record time, ‘Walker’ getting written up on that leader board at number one. How he’d trained them for that week, only to be replaced by that old, bald, guy who did nothing for them but make the course want to end.

How Felix had asked her out. Meeting her in the carpark on the day she graduated. Asking if she wanted to go to the diner she always went to after the academy. 

She digs out a cassette she keeps at the back of her underwear drawer, puts it into the dual cassette/CD player and presses play.

“Hey baby, Jessie, I know you’re still at the office but I thought I’d pop home, check on Mia,” comes Felix’s voice, tiny baby gurgles making him laugh. “I’ll call you later, but Mommy should come home for dinner? Shouldn’t she? Yes she should.” The message stops. She listens to it go tick, tick, tick, and turns over to Felix’s final words. “Mia’s safe,” said through gurgles of blood. She can hear it trickling out of his mouth. “I made sure Mia was safe. I love you.”

She listens to the tape click as it ends. Stops it. Rewinds the tape, takes it out, puts it back in the drawer. 

“Was that him?” Emily asks. “Your husband.”

“Yeah,” Jess says, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “That was Felix. The last messages I ever got from him.”

“Where’s he buried?” Emily takes the lack of coldness as an invitation to come in, blindly navigating the room until she’s sitting on the edge of the mattress in front of Jess.

“I don’t know,” Jess says, her chin wobbling as she tries not to cry. “I don’t know where his body is.”

And she absolutely cracks. And she’s so grateful that Emily’s there to pick up the pieces (or not pick up the pieces at all). 

“Tell me about him,” Emily whispers when they’re both lying down, Jess’s pillow wet with tears.

So she does.

And it’s good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have just witnessed Emily Prentiss being far too calm as she finds out about her friend's secret life.
> 
> Maybe next time ~a prison chapter~


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey can I request something weird?” Morgan asks on Monday morning. Jess nods, handing him her coffee cup so he can fill it up.

“Keep it PG and on a week day, not involving food, and you can request anything.”

“Foot stuff?”

“Shoes stay on.”

Morgan snorts and shakes his head. 

“I bet you were a wild one back in your hey-day.”

“I’m still there, having a wild time. How may I fill your request?”

“Reid and I are writing a paper on female serial killers, and I read the papers you’ve written. They’re really good. Reid and I could use an eye like yours. You have a thing for female serial killers, missy.”

“They’re my research field,” Jess says proudly. “The way to make your name is to shove it somewhere where there’s no research.”

Morgan snorts and nods. “Would it be okay if we got you to look over our paper in, uh, a month?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Hey,” Prentiss chirps as she comes back from lunch, squeezing Jess’s shoulder as she takes a seat. “How are you?”

“Fine? Why would I not be?” But they share a smile between them all the same when Emily throws her a sandwich. “Oh my god, is this my favourite? Is this one of the toasty ones from that café across the road? With the feta and the pumpkin?”

“One and the same, I know you had a meeting with Strauss. I thought you could do with a pick-me-up.”

“If that translates to pick-me-up-and-marry-me, I’m your wife.”

Prentiss blushes, and for the first time Jess things Prentiss is actually at a loss for words. Jess smiles at her, blowing her a kiss.

“I did not peg you as smooth, Garza,” Morgan says.

“Smooth or not we’ve got a case,” Rossi says, pointing to the conference room. The bullpen collectively stands, gathering their stuff, and moving up to the conference room. 

*~*~*

Jess isn’t sure that she’s cold. But she is sure she can’t stop shivering.

The case came down to a standoff with the unsub, and somehow in the commotion Jess had gone from negotiator to being negotiated for. Every time she closes her eyes she can still feel the cold barrel of the gun against her skull. Feel the way her heart pounded, how above everything she’d found Emily’s eyes.

To hell with everyone else, to listening to every word of the negotiation. There was Emily, gun trained on the Unsub, but… hell, may there was a benefit to the Unsub being cheek to cheek with her. Eyes trained on him looked like eyes trained on her. She’d just matched her breathing to Emily’s and started listing all the red things she could see.

Blood  
Shoes  
Lipstick  
The dead girl’s hair  
Blood-  
Blood—  
Blood---  
Emily’s shirt.  
Emily’s earrings.

Before she could think ‘now is not the time to be acknowledging your crush on a co-worker’ Morgan had taken the shot. The weight of the body behind her was lost but Jess couldn’t move. She knew all the training, she’d done it before, a thousand times, but she just couldn’t pick one foot off the floor, let alone have the other follow. 

Hotch had grabbed her arm, tapped her cheek until she’d broken that thousand yard stare and nodded at him. He pushed her out the way, towards the team, and finally her feet had managed to work. Practically stumbling over her own feet until Emily had taken her face in her hands. Squeezed her cheeks. Told her she was okay.

And it’s now that she’s shivering like a leaf in the wind, safe on the jet, showered and in a change of clothes that isn’t covered in blood.

Emily doesn’t say anything as she taps Jess’s shoulder, leaning her forward enough to drape a blanket over her shoulders then settle in beside her.

“Did you get to call…?” Emily estimates Mia’s height, which is wildly off and pegs her as far shorter than she really is.

“Nah, she’s asleep. Will be for a couple more hours.”

Emily nods sympathetically, squeezing her hand. “Hold her tight when you’re home.”

“Always.”

Jess feels the way Emily shuffles. Knows it’s an invitation to lean her head on Emily’s shoulder. She fights it for as long as she can, which is admittedly not very long at all. She pulls the blanket tight around her, then rests her head on Emily’s shoulder. She lets her breath match Emily’s, the gentle ins and outs until she stops shivering.

“Better?” Emily whispers. Jess squeezes her hand in silent confirmation.

Emily jostles Jess awake when the jet lands, although Jess finds that everyone else has already cleared out, save for Hotch who’s collecting paperwork. 

“Go home, Garza,” Hotch says. His voice is softer than usual, caring. 

“I have paperwork,” Jess protests, her head still on Emily’s shoulder. 

Hotch shakes his head. “Not after today. You’ve already written up he incident report, the rest can wait.”

“Okay. Yeah, sure.” Jess yawns as she sits up, folding the blanket. “You should’ve woken me, Prentiss.”

“You looked comfy. I didn’t want to wake you. I can drive her home, Hotch?”

Hotch pauses, looks up and raises a single eyebrow at Jess. She runs her hand through her hair and sighs.

“Prentiss knows about Mia,” Jess says. Hotch nods.

“Take her home then. I want you to take tomorrow off.” 

“Easily done,” Jess smiles.

Emily doesn’t comment when Jess falls asleep in the car, her legs pull up to her chest. Emily almost forgets that Garza’s almost six years her senior, and almost crashes the car. Twice. But she really can’t stop looking. 

Which is ridiculous, Garza’s a straight woman. She had a husband, has a kid, has shown no interest in any women in the office. Emily can settle for just being a really good friend, right? She’s done it a thousand times before, what’s one more time. Better a really good friend that pining from a distance. 

Maybe.

Not really.

Unrequited crushes really don’t get better the older you get, Emily thinks to herself. No matter what anyone tells her. It doesn’t help that she’d usually find solace with JJ and Penelope, but Pen’s got Kevin now and JJ’s got… someone. Emily hasn’t quite placed it yet. But she knows JJ’s seeing someone. And their versions of 'unrequited' usually end up with a one-night-stand where they pick out all the bad things until they're sure they hate them. Emily won't get the luxury of a one-night-stand and then a good ol' bitching session about how something would just 'never work out'. At this rate, anything Emily could dream about doing with Jess would always turn out well. Jess could never prove her wrong, because they'd never get together.

She pulls into Jess’s driveway, surprised at how different her house looks when Emily’s not smashed. A cute little one storey home, Emily remembered thinking it was weird for someone like Garza to live in a cul-de-sac, but from the driveway she can see the swing set in the backyard. She can see the way neighbours push their curtains aside like they’re checking that their neighbour really did come home.

It’s kind of cute that Jess would take the extra time to get to work just so her daughter could get a backyard.

“We’re here?” Jess groans groggily, wiping her hand over her face. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, sorry.”

“Stop apologising, it’s fine.” Emily reaches over, pushing a strand of hair behind Jess’s ear. “Are you sure you’re okay? That Unsub wasn’t… I don’t think any of the team wouldn’t have dealt with what he said the way you are.”

“What things?” Jess frowns.

“Look at you, cool as a cucumber.”

“I’m serious I’ve got no idea what he said.”

Emily frowns, watching her carefully. “Where’d you go when he was holding you hostage?”

“I was… uh, listing all the red things in the room in my head.”

“Why red?”

Jess shakes her head and turns to the house, staring at it. “I saw your earrings. Thought I might as well start listing all the red things. Felix used to do it for his panic attacks, when I joined the academy I kind of… twisted it the other way. Helps me focus on something that isn’t what’s happening.”

“Nice, twisting your husband’s intentions against him.”

“All the time.” Jess laughs and shakes her head. “Felix used to complain about it all the time. Anyway, I think you might have paperwork to get back to. I’m sorry for taking you out of your way.”

“No problem. I can, uh, bring you your car tomorrow? I’m taking the metro with Reid tomorrow.”

“That would be great, thanks, my keys are in my drawer. With a bunch of unfinished paperwork.”

“We all have that drawer.”

Jess smiles. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Emily watches as Jess gets out the car, grabs her go-bag, and heads inside. Emily’s not sure why she sits in the driveway for so long, even after Jess has waved goodbye from the front door, but she immediately is when she sees the curtains in the front room moved aside. When Jess holds up a finger, a silent ‘wait’, then she’s running out in an oversized (and out-of-date) academy tracksuit. 

“Em?” Jess says as she reaches the car, tapping on her window. Emily rolls it down immediately. “Do you want to go out to lunch tomorrow? With me and Mia. We can, uh, switch the car then.”

Emily nods. “Sure, that would be lovely. Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. Have a good night, Em.”

“You too, Jess.”

Jess watches Emily drive off from the door, waves as she reaches the end of the street. Then she shuts the door, locks every lock, and checks on Mia for the third time. She’s still happily asleep, toy cat hugged close to her chest. They really do need to get a cat. She kisses Mia’s forehead, pushing her hair back from her face, then makes sure she’s safely tucked in.

She pulls back the covers in her own bed, throwing the excess pillows to the foot of her bed. Why she has so many pillows, she’s got no idea. She plays the recordings of Felix’s last phone calls. Sits on the edge of bed, stares at a blank spot on her wall. Takes the cassette out when it’s done, puts it back in the drawer.

She stares in the darkness, a part of her wishing she hadn’t let Emily leave. She wants to say it was just because Emily had listened to her talk about Felix. But she knows that’s not true, not as she lies there. Looking at the spot where Emily had slept, thinking about how she’d traced her fingers along Jess’s palm as she’d listened. How when they were both getting so tired that it was taking five minutes to say a single sentence Emily had effortlessly put her fingers through Jess’s and held her hand.

And how they’d slept like that. And it was the best sleep Jess had had in years.

So she closed her eyes, and held her own hand. It was nowhere near as good as when Emily had done it. It was all so childish, Jess felt like she was a teenager again. But it was comforting. 

“You can’t crush on a co-worker, Jessica,” she whispers to herself. A beat. “Yes I can.”

And to her absolute horror, she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is ~fun~. Our lesbians (well, bisexuals) are just ~*~Chilling~*~. Crushing on eachother.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter!! Finally!!

“There!” 

Emily turns at the sound of a voice that she’s somehow become familiar with—Mia Garza. She waves at the little girl who’s dress in jeans that have grass stains on her knees, and a Toy-Story jumper that’s got an equal amount of grass stains on it. Her curly hair has been wrangled into a high ponytail, but it looks like it’s going to fall out at any second.

“Hey guys,” Emily grins, standing to greet them. Mia lets go of Jess’s hand, running to Emily and hugging her. 

“You look better than when I met you,” Mia says. Emily supposes it’s a complement that she looks better sober than drunk. She squeezes Mia.

“I feel better, too. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be having chicken nuggets for lunch today.”

Mia shrugs as she sits down, Jess replacing Mia’s hug so quickly Emily’s almost not sure it happened.

“Mommy do they do the crunchy fish?” Mia says, handing Jess the menu. 

“There,” Jess says softly and Emily watches as Jess points to the kids section (and not to the actual stuff) and Mia nods, putting her finger under the food and sounding them out quietly). 

“She’s learning to read?” Emily says with a small smile.

“She’s trying. She’s got a few words under her belt, don’t you sweetie?”

“I can spell my name,” Mia says. “And my address.”

“And?”

“Mommy’s name.”

“Wow,” Emily gasps. “That is impressive.”

“Thank-you,” Mia says, then she squints at her menu. She leans over and whispers something in Jess’s ear. Emily realises that she’s smiling at them before she can catch it.

“You’d like a chicken burger? Do you want to go halves?” 

“Yes please.”

Emily watches as Mia pulls a bag into her lap, then a Barbie colouring book and a collection of colourful pencils. She set herself up carefully (book neatly in front of her, pencils poured on top of the papers. She picks out two or three pencils that she really wants to use, putting them through her fingers like Wolverine claws. She looks at Emily and grins, then grabs two more and puts them through her pigtails.

When Mia gets the smile she wants, she starts colouring in. 

“Do you mind if I ask why you kept Mia out of the case files? I’ve read them… Stephen James? White Lily killings? Why keep Mia from the people who are trying to figure out where his bodies are?”

Jess picks at the edge of her nail and smiles at Mia.

“Felix and I worked that case for years. Felix started in ’97, I closed it in ’03. After Felix died. What’s that? Six years. Not once did James take a body with him. And he always killed every family member. Left the homes looking like some warped funeral home covered in white lilies. Instead, this time, he hides my husband’s body and leaves my baby girl alone. Waits for me outside, on the front step.” Jess sighs and shakes her head. “An escalation that, admittedly, feels like a step down. But he’s away, and he’s not hurting Mia, and the family’s have closure so.”

She shrugs and Emily nods. 

“You’re not curious?”

“I see him—James—the first Saturday of every month. Ask him where Felix’s body is.”

“Has he ever given you an answer?”

“Wouldn’t keep going if he had.”

“I can talk to him, if you like, get a fresh pair of eyes? I’m not bad at this profiling thing.”

“No. No, this is my thing. I do this, I find Felix, on my own.” 

Mia stops colouring and looks up, frowning at her Mom. 

“I thought we don’t talk about Dad outside.”

“You’re right, Sweet, we don’t. I’m sorry.” 

Emily nods, taking note herself. “I promise not to ask your Mom anything else about it while we’re out here.” 

“Thank-you,” Mia says.

Emily reaches over, placing her hand on top of Jess’s lightly. 

“You’re not alone,” Emily says, squeezing her hand.

Conversation warps and changes until Emily finds herself asking about how Mia does at school, what working in New York was like. Emily tells her she worked in France for a bit, before cutting that conversation short, which Jess mercifully doesn’t ask more about. Mia starts to tell her about all the birds she saw at the park, but that’s soon forgotten when the food arrives.

“How’s the team?” Jess asks as she halves her burger and puts it on a second plate for Mia. 

“Reid and Morgan are winding each other up and trying to see which one will have Hotch snap first, so I think we’re doing fine. Miss you in the office.”

Mia pulls her bread apart, eats her burger one item at a time. 

“I’m not out forever,” Jess laughs. 

“Oh, I know, but I still miss you.”

***

Paperwork is piling up, so much that Jess is surprised there’s even desk space to do it in anymore. One minute it’s lunchtime, and she’s going to have it in a minute (just this file, I swear) and then the next Reid’s asking her if she wants to grab dinner in an hour, and Emily’s commenting on the uneaten sandwich that’s just sitting on her desk.

“Shit, what time is it?” Jess says, digging around for the watch that she’d taken off a long time ago. 

“Almost seven,” Emily responds.

“Shit, shit, shit,” is all Jess can say as she collects all her stuff and tries to put her paperwork away.

“Is that a ‘no’ to dinner?” Reid asks, brow furrowing.

“Uh, yeah, it is. I’m sorry.”

“Hold that denial,” Garcia says, voice bubbly. “I have someone from the front desk who might want to go to dinner. Who I couldn’t leave down there, and Hotch said to bring her in.”

“Who’s this?” Morgan asks.

Jess turns in absolute dread, to come face to face with her daughter, who’s grinning from ear to ear. She’s got her pink Barbie backpack safely on her back, dirt on her face, but she’s grinning. She’s supposed to be at home with her grandfather, but she’s here. She’s not supposed to be—

“Hi Princess,” Mia says, waving to Prentiss. She’s got one hand firmly grasped in Garcia’s. “Hi Mommy.”

“Hi Mia,” Jess breathes, dropping to her knees to let Mia run into her arms. “You’re supposed to be with grandad.”

“He was busy,” Mia says simply. 

“Okay, but he wasn’t too busy to watch you. How you’d get here?” 

“I did what Uncle Nicky tells me to do!”

Jess frowns. Hides it behind a very adult smile as she pushes her daughter’s hair behind her ears.

“And what does Uncle Nicky tell you to do?” Jess can think of a thousand things, he’s a conspiracy theorist at heart, and never tells anyone to do anything serious. He’d rather take pleasure in people getting themselves arrested than say something useful.

“I go up to a police officer, and I tell them where my mom works. And I show them this.” She holds out an old photo ID, with a picture of the two of them that Mia keeps in her little plush-giraffe bag. Jess realises she must have worn it with her Barbie backpack.

“Well, that’s very smart of Uncle Nicky, isn’t it?”

“Mhmm. I know not to listen when he says banana milk comes from yellow cows but he was telling the truth this time!”

“He was.” Jess kisses Mia’s forehead then picks her up, holding her tight so she can’t see the worry that’s etched over her mother’s face. 

“Do you want me to call your dad? Check in?” Emily asks, hand poised over her phone. 

“I’ll do it,” Rossi grumbles from his office. Jess is sure a storm cloud has formed over his self, had she not been so worried at how far her six-year-old daughter had gone over DC, by herself, Jess would have found the image amusing. 

“Who’s this?” Morgan repeats, only this time he looks more offended that Garcia and Prentiss aren’t surprised.

“Her daughter,” Spencer says, although he looks like the idea is only just dawning on him as obvious. 

“I’m Mia,” Mia says proudly, then she makes eye contact with Morgan and buries her face into Jess’s neck.

“Have you eaten dinner, Mia?” Jess whispers, loud enough that the bullpen can hear, quiet enough that Mia thinks the question is only for her.

“No,” Mia says. “The police officer gave me some of his popcorn because I haven’t had lunch either.”

“Were you not at school?”

Mia shakes her head dramatically. “Grandad pulled me out of school. He said that there were people looking for me and that I shouldn’t be at school. He kept calling me “Angel” but not in those fun name kind of way like when you call me Sweetie.”

“Oh,” Garcia says. She looks like she might cry.

Reid looks like he understands all too well.

“He’s at your home,” Rossi says as he pulls his coat on. “I’ll go pick him up.”

“You don’t have to,” Jess says quickly. “He’s not crazy or anything. He’s been taking his meds. I’ll go take him home, call Michael, it’s fine… The Navy took him back. I mean, he’s Chaplin on base, he can’t be that bad he—”

Rossi takes her face in his hands. An affection that was decidedly too familiar for the two agents relationship. Rossi holds her gaze, a look between them like they know something the rest of the team don’t. Then Rossi squeezes her jaw and whispers something in her ear that has Jess nodding and chewing at her cheek.

“Reid, that dinner offer still open?” Prentiss asks. “I think there’s someone who can do with a bite.” 

“Who?” Mia whispers, lifting her head to look around. 

“Yeah, there’s an all night Indian—” 

Emily groans but Mia perks up, nodding eagerly. 

“Please, please, please, please, please.”

“Mia’s favourite is Indian,” Jess relays. “So I think that’s a yes.” 

The door to Hotch’s office opens and Mia lifts a tiny hand to wave. 

“That’s the one who asks about Dad,” Mia whispers into Jess’s ear, mouth pressed completely against it making Jess lurch away with a grin. 

“Yeah, that’s my boss.”

“Princess!” Mia says, her attention ripped away to something else again. “Are you coming to dinner?”

“I sure am.”

“Can I hold your hand?” Mia thrusts her hand out to Emily and Emily looks like she might melt as she nods. Jess lets her down, watching her carefully as she goes to Emily. 

The team all filter out towards the elevators, Emily hangs back, telling them that she’ll get the next one. Thankfully, Mia looks nervous enough about getting into the elevator that everyone believes that it’s just for Mia. 

“Hey,” Emily whispers as the elevator doors shut. “What’s going on?” 

Jess watches Mia, too invested in the shiny lights. Sometimes she turns around to look at the Agents who died in the line of duty. 

“It’s nothing,” Jess says softly. 

Emily doesn’t know she’s doing it until she has, her free hand cupping Jess’s cheek to make her look at her. 

“You’re scared. It’s not nothing.” 

“Em—” Jess whispers, eyes glistening as she tries to blink back tears. 

“You don’t have to tell me a thing, but I need to know that you’re okay. So you’re staying at my apartment tonight, you and Mia. How do you feel about that, Mia?”

“Good,” Mia says, distracted. “There’s different people on this wall, Mom.”

Jess turns to where Mia’s pointing, looking over all of the deceased agents. 

“Yeah. There are.”

“Do you think Dad’s talking to all of them?”

“Sure is, Sweet.”

Emily’s chin wobbles and she plants a brave smile on her face. 

“I’m sorry,” Emily says.

“Em. It’s okay.” But Jess’s voice is weak as is.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a double treat, my friends.

Mia makes quick friends with Garcia and JJ, wooing them with all her charm. She likes Garcia’s colourful things, and she’s thrilled when Garcia puts a bright purple pom-pom in her hair. She’s completely oblivious to the fact that her hair is too thick and heavy for the pom-pom to stay in her hair, she just shows it off proudly and smiles wide whenever JJ pushes it back up.

Hotch still looks stressed, even when he’s trying to look relaxed. But he relaxes whenever Mia looks over to him. Emily sits close, knee pressed up against Jess’s, and she doesn’t move it because Jess doesn’t move.

“Hey, Hotch, you doing alright?” Jess whispers, leaning over the table to tap his hand when his face goes somewhere else.

“Yeah. Fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Amelia looks like her Dad.”

It’s not what Hotch wants to say, Jess knows that, but it’s what he does say, so she nods. 

“She does, doesn’t she. She does some of the things he used to do too, makes me smile.”

“Yeah?” he seems to lighten up at that, turning to the table where he’d previously been sitting side on. 

“Do you remember when Felix used to tap his forehead between sentences?”

“Yeah. Five times, then he’d continue.”

“Mia does that. Only sometimes, but she does.”

“You knew Felix, Hotch?” Emily asks, sipping at her drink. 

“A little bit,” Hotch says, nodding.

“A little? He used to be the only guy you’d call in for translations.” Jess looks at Emily, who’s listening intently. “Felix could translate Farsi, Urdu and Hindustani better than the translators the FBI had. And he hated Hotch.”

“Is that why you went to New York?” Hotch snorts.

“Yes, Hotch,” Jess says sarcastically, “Felix took an incredible job opportunity in New York because he wanted to get away from you.” She shakes her head, a hand landing on Emily’s knee. “He actually took New York because I was offered it. I wanted to go. He said men have been dragging their wives all over the country because of their jobs for too long, and it was about time a husband got dragged around, so we went.”

“Really?” Emily smiles.

“Really. Yeah. It was okay. Wasn’t the best time to move to New York.”

A silence falls over the table and everyone nods. Morgan drops into a seat by Jess and Jess retracts her hand from Emily’s knee and smiles at him.

“I think I scared your kid, sorry,” Morgan says. 

“Mia looks fine,” Jess smiles, because she does. Mia’s completely oblivious to anything that’s happened that might have ‘scared’ her. In fact, she seems quite content in JJ’s lap, trying to copy Reid’s origami napkins. 

“She might be a bit shy, she doesn’t really know anyone.”

“Why does Prentiss get a fun nickname?” Morgan asks, pouting. “Princess?”

“Mia’s met Emily before,” Jess smiles, bumping Emily’s leg with hers. “She heard ‘Prentiss’ as ‘Princess’ so that’s her name now.”

“I’m her favourite,” Emily says proudly. 

“Of course you are,” Derek says sourly, but he smiles at her all the same. 

“There are a lot of new people here, don’t be offended if she doesn’t warm to you immediately. She’s barely managing with the three of them.”

Derek grins at Jess and nods. “She’s a good kid.”

“Let’s hope she doesn’t go feral.”

“That beautiful kid couldn’t possibly go feral,” Emily says but the look Jess gives her cuts her short. “I’m sure I’m about to stand corrected.” 

“I’d hope not. Acting feral should, hopefully, never happen in public. When it hits, it hits.”

Hotch chuckles. “Jack’s sweet spot is between three and six.”

“Bed by seven?”

“Six thirty.”

There’s a sad look that goes over his face and Jess knows immediately what it is.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly, keeping it quiet so it doesn’t bring much attention from the team. Hotch just nods, gives her smile, and Jess knows he signed divorce papers. She’s seen that look around too many cops and feds.

“Thanks.”

Emily frowns, but she doesn’t say anything.

~*~

“She’s asleep,” Emily whispers. 

They’re both sitting in Emily’s car in her apartment’s parking lot, Mia wrapped around a toy that they bought when they went out to get Mia some pj’s. They tried to go to Jess’s, but Dave’s car was out the front, and he stood by the window in a way that really did say don’t come in.

Jess just smiles at Mia, at the way she mutters quietly in her sleep, or how she’s got one of the ears of her bear in her mouth. 

“Thanks for this,” Jess says. “You don’t… you don’t have to.”

“Nope and that’s why I’m doing it. Come on up.”

Emily helps Jess get Mia’s arms around her neck, surprised at how gracefully Jess manages to walk up the stairs without waking Mia. 

“She can sleep in here,” Emily whispers, going into her room and switching on the lamp. She pulls the covers back, throwing the extra pillows out the way. 

Mia goes down quietly, she barely even wakes except to mumble ‘night’. 

“So much for getting her pj’s,” Jess whispers as they pull the door mostly shut, leaving Mia in the lamplight.

“I’ll… uh… I’ll leave them here. Spare pair if you guys want to come over.” Emily blushes and doesn’t look at her, scuffing her feet against the ground. “Do you want a drink? I’ve got… wine, juice, water?”

“I could go for the tiniest bit of wine,” Jess says. “I mean tiny, enough to wet my tonsils twice.”

Emily laughs and nods. “Sure.”

So they end up on the couch, tiniest bit of wine in Jess’s glass (she pours most of her glass into Emily’s until it literally is the tiniest bit of wine), Jess’s legs tucked up underneath her as Emily put her feet up on the coffee table. Some horrible and crappy late night TV show playing on the lowest volume. 

“What happened with your dad?” Emily asks when the ads start. 

Jess sighs and shudders, looking down at her wine glass.

“Um.” Jess chews her lip and sets her gaze on the far wall rather than looking at her wine glass. “My mom wasn’t… she wasn’t great. Dad didn’t deal with it very well.”

“Okay.”

“I thought he was better, really, I wouldn’t have left him with Mia if I thought he was like what he was like when I was a kid, I didn’t even—” she talks so fast her words get all jumbled up and Emily barely catches it before Jess heaves a breath and Emily realises she’s crying. 

She pries Jess’s wine glass from her hands, placing it on the coffee table, and pulls her into a hug. 

“I didn’t even leave him with Nick,” Jess manages to sniffle when she’s stopped crying. “Why did I leave him with Mia?” 

“Because he’s your dad and you wanted to trust him. That’s not a failure as a parent.”

“Em, I don’t live close to Quantico. No one lives close to Quantico. My daughter got to Quantico on her own—fuck, Em—”

“She’s okay,” Emily whispers, stroking Jess’s hair. “Mia’s okay. She got to Quantico safe, and we’ll learn for next time.”

Emily doesn’t mean to say ‘we’. Not at all. That feels encroaching. But it seems to calm Jess down, she nods weakly against Emily’s shoulder. 

“Mia’s safe,” Emily repeats, and risks pressing a kiss to Jess’s hair. “Who’d you grow up with?” she asks.

“Josephine Albright. She fostered us, she was the only person who wanted to keep three siblings together. Nick was so much younger than us, everyone wanted him but not us and then Jo… She liked us. She kept us together.”

“I’m glad. You guys deserved to be together.”

Jess laughs, just a little. “You’ve got no idea.”

“No idea?”

“I’ll tell you about it some time. But not now.” Jess shakes her head. “Not now.”

“Okay, sure, not now.”

Emily pouts as Jess pulls away from her, trying to hide the look on her face that would betray everything. How much she likes Jess. How close she is to tipping the edge from attraction to love. 

Jess wipes her cheeks, sniffling, and Emily thinks her heart might break right there and then. She smudges mascara everywhere and Emily smiles sadly at her and takes the opportunity to cup Jess’s face.

Neither of them miss how Jess’s breath catches, her eyes going wide, the two of them far too close to each other. Emily runs her thumbs over the smudged mascara, clearing it from her cheeks. It would be so easy to kiss her now, just to lean in, kiss her softly. 

“Em,” Jess whispers and Emily realises she’s been staring. 

“Sorry,” Emily says, but she misses the way Jess squeezes her eyes shut when Emily takes her hands away from her cheeks, how Jess turns away to hide the singular tear that escapes that wasn’t brought on by talking about anything that had happened during the day.

“I think I have some blankets, um, in the hallway. I’m going to go get some, we should get some sleep. Sorry I don’t have anything better than the couch.” Emily downs the rest of her wine, then walks as fast and calmly as she can out of the room, to the closet she’s used as an excuse.

Ironic, Emily thinks to herself. Run away from one closet issue to another closet… issue.

She stares at the door that’s come off in her hand. Of course that would happen when she has people over. She manages to get the door back on enough to not look broken, and returns with a couple of blankets and spare pillows.

“I’ve got a spare shirt for you to wear, if you want something more comfortable,” Emily offers. She doesn’t expect Jess to say yes, but she does, so Emily disappears to where Mia’s lost herself in the doona and is snoring lightly.

Emily can’t help the look that comes over her. Mia’s too cute. Too cute. She brushes Mia’s hair out of her face, then presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Your mom loves you a lot,” Emily whispers, like maybe Mia will hear it. “Don’t ever doubt that.”

Mia nods in her sleep and squeezes her new bear. 

“Here,” Emily says, handing her a spare shirt. 

“Thanks.”

When Jess comes back out the lounge, Emily didn’t know what she expected, but she can’t stop staring. There’s something about someone wearing your shirt, and nothing but that, which is immensely obvious. Emily shouldn’t stare, but she does, and she will.

“You look hot,” Emily blurts out. 

Jess blushes. “Ha, thanks? It’s all your shirt, magical powers.”

“No, no, that’s all you.”

Jess smiles as she sits down next to Emily. “Blanket?” Jess offers, holding one to her.

“Thanks.”

Emily switches it to another late-night television channel, something equally trashy that looks like it aired forty years ago. At some point Emily finds herself on top of two pillows, leaning against the arm of the couch, with Jess leaning up against her. Two seconds later Emily realises Jess has fallen asleep on her arm, and manages to manoeuvre the two of them until Emily has her asleep against her chest.

Emily runs her hair through Jess’s hair, smiling as Jess nuzzles against her chest in a very Mia-like-way. Emily knows falling asleep like that will hurt her back, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to wake her.

She has no way of knowing that Jess was mostly awake the whole time, and the moment Emily fell asleep Jess knew. She didn’t move for the first couple of minutes, then she reaches out for Emily’s hand and holds it. 

If she can’t have the real thing, this’ll have to do for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a new fic! If it sounds familiar--it is, we're rehashing the Quiet Birds AU, only it's more queer and the names have been changed. But don't worry! If you've read Quiet Birds there's enough change that I (hope) this will still be enjoyable!   
> (and Quiet Birds is still going! Don't worry! I'm not stopping because I'm writing this, both are still chugging along.)


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